What Elles Did Next...

At the beginning of the year, I began to feel more anxious than ever. I had no idea where it came from and why I was feeling like that but I knew I had to do something about it. I love to read, so I thought the best option was to find a book about Anxiety to see if I could understand it a bit more.

I came across "Reasons to stay alive" by Matt Haig after reading a lot of reviews. It's essentially his account of his experience with anxiety and depression after suffering a breakdown in his early 20's. When I would pull this book out in public or around people I knew, I got the exact same reaction each time. "Wow, that sounds depressing, read something more uplifting!" While I get that the title is a little daunting, the text inside is anything but.

Yes, it's not an easy read, but it's informative, heartfelt and quite frankly I did feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I finished reading it. Matt lets you into his life. He doesn't sugar coat anything, he tells you of a time when he nearly committed suicide, when he felt so anxious he couldn't go to his local shop, when he felt like he let his family down. You really feel his pain. 

What I really love about this book is that it gives you hope. I honestly nearly cried when I read that he married and had children. He overcame whatever he thought was going to kill him. A lot of chapters are lists of triggers, helpful advice and all around good information to know if you are someone who suffers from a mental illness. Matt incorporates a lot of inspiring quotes throughout the book as well which I enjoyed reading as I am a SUCKER for a good quote.

What I found also really interesting and important about this book was the small chapter on "famous people". Depression is a taboo subject as we are all aware of, but Matt listed all the celebrities he researched that have said they have suffered from depression. I think it's important to remember that "celebrities" are real people and go through "real shit" too.  Here is an extract from the chapter, pg,160 

"Sometimes just looking at names of people who have suffered depression - or are still suffering depression - but who clearly have (or had) other things that are great going on in their lives, gives a kind of comfort..."

This book isn't just aimed at people who suffer from mental health issues. I think this book is the perfect place to start if you are interested in mental health or know of someone who is suffering. It certainly changed my outlook on certain situations. Although my anxiety is nowhere near as bad as Matt's, I understood him, I empathised with him and I'm glad this book came into my life at the right time.

Today I thought I'd do my makeup properly and show you that you don't have to be a makeup artist to look "well put together". All you need is a good coverage foundation and good lighting!

Makeup is fun for me, I try not to take it too seriously. I love lipsticks, (liquid ones at the minute), and love the minimal vibe. This look that I've created today is a bit different for me as I wouldn't normally wear a bold lip like this unless it was a special occasion or unless I was going on a night out. My everyday lip is either a classic nude colour or I use tinted vaseline. It's fun to experiment and think I should step out of my comfort zone a bit more sometimes. 

I wore this beautiful silk shirt from ASOS and I think it made my makeup look a bit more romantic and gave off a "date night vibe". The matte, bold lip really brings the outfit and face together as I made sure the rest of the products I used weren't heavy, instead I wanted a dewy base and strong lip.

Let me know if you guys like this kind of post as it's something different. I'm not a beauty guru but I do enjoy buying makeup and this post was really fun to shoot and style.

I will list the products I have used below and you can check them out if you want to buy them too :)

Love Elle 

x

Why is it so hard to talk about yourself? It's like sometimes we feel embarrassed to admit what we are actually like and what are interests are. Why do we feel like that? It's such a strange feeling. I have no idea why I thought writing this blog post would so easy to write, because as I've just explained, it's bloody difficult to talk about myself! BUT! I'm going to give it a go. A challenge for me, and for you reading, an insight into who I am and what I'm like...

1. I can be really indecisive when it comes to making group decisions. "What do you want to do?" My classic response is "I'm not fussy AT ALL, I'll do whatever you guys decide to do"...I just can't help myself.

2. I have a real passion for all things creative. I truly believe that I was meant to be working in a creative industry. I'm crap with numbers, I hate sitting in an office all day doing administrative tasks and just hope that one day I'll have a career that I can enjoy.

3. I'm obsessed with both documentaries and reality TV. Documentaries about crime & conspiracy theories fascinate me, but on the flip side I love reality TV like Love Island and Made in Chelsea. I enjoy TV that is different from what I consider "the norm" as I love to see how other people live their lives. 

4. I love to visit new places. I would hate to stay in one place my whole life knowing the world is so big, why would you want to not explore it?!

5. I'm very independent. I like doing things for myself. I think it's important for a woman to be able to say "Yeah, I can do this, I don't need someone by my side telling me how to do this." #IndependentWomenSayWhaaaaat

6. I can be really goofy and get carried away with a joke. In my friendship group I would be classed as the "funny one". I'm happy go lucky and love making people laugh, but I'll be the first to admit I sometimes take the joke too far...oops.

7. Autumn/Fall is my favourite season of the year. I love blue skies and cold mornings. I love the colour change of the leaves and how they fall off the trees. Some of my earliest memories are of me in a massive puffer jacket running through crisp leaves, collecting conkers in the park, how cute haha!

8. I care about what people think, but only to a certain extent. I don't care if people don't like the clothes that I wear or don't like my general appearance. But I do care if people have an opinion on me as a person. I care about first impressions so I don't like to disappoint.

9. I love shopping by myself. As much as I do enjoy shopping with my friends, sometimes if I'm not in the mood I just prefer to wake up early, head out, spend all my money in ZARA and call it a day.

10. As much as I've always said I want to move out of London, I think I'll always call it home. I love London and maybe having my own place here will be what I need...even though I probably won't be able to afford it...(cries).

Love Elle 

x

I finally found the courage to press send...weeks of internal debate, weighing up the pros and cons. I have just handed in my resignation. No future job in place, no source of steady income, yet I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

This is going to sound really strange, but I was leaving V Festival two weekends ago and passed the stage Kaiser Chiefs were performing on. Ricky, the lead singer, was in the middle of a speech and said "If you're not happy, GET HAPPY!" It's almost as if that statement validated my decision to just get out of my funk I've been in for the past 6 months....It sounds so silly, of course you can't just trick your brain into "being happy", but you certainly can take small steps to happiness.

I've decided to pursue a career, start from the bottom and work my way up. The job I was doing was convenient at the time, it gave me the freedom to go places, experience the world and what it has to offer. I would go on mini trips and return to a dead end. Quite honestly, it was depressing coming back to work and living in the "real world"...Then I thought, "fuck it!". I'm twenty, why the hell am I settling for this?! I want to travel, I want a career, I want to LIVE! I don't want to be having "serious" meetings about Stationery usage...yes, really...

So that's what I've decided to do. Not everyone around me is supportive of this decision and I understand that, but if I carried on doing that same crap job I'm pretty convinced I was one breakdown away to a complete melt down! 

This change in my life seems perfectly timed. Summer is over, (did it really begin?), Autumn is approaching which is the epitome of new beginnings. I feel happiest in the autumnal months, in the words of Fitzgerald: "Life starts all over when the leaves get crisp in the fall..."

I feel optimistic, if all fails I'll know that my decision felt right at the time and that it's only up from here.

Elle x