I finally found the courage to press send...weeks of internal debate, weighing up the pros and cons. I have just handed in my resignation. No future job in place, no source of steady income, yet I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is going to sound really strange, but I was leaving V Festival two weekends ago and passed the stage Kaiser Chiefs were performing on. Ricky, the lead singer, was in the middle of a speech and said "If you're not happy, GET HAPPY!" It's almost as if that statement validated my decision to just get out of my funk I've been in for the past 6 months....It sounds so silly, of course you can't just trick your brain into "being happy", but you certainly can take small steps to happiness.
I've decided to pursue a career, start from the bottom and work my way up. The job I was doing was convenient at the time, it gave me the freedom to go places, experience the world and what it has to offer. I would go on mini trips and return to a dead end. Quite honestly, it was depressing coming back to work and living in the "real world"...Then I thought, "fuck it!". I'm twenty, why the hell am I settling for this?! I want to travel, I want a career, I want to LIVE! I don't want to be having "serious" meetings about Stationery usage...yes, really...
So that's what I've decided to do. Not everyone around me is supportive of this decision and I understand that, but if I carried on doing that same crap job I'm pretty convinced I was one breakdown away to a complete melt down!
This change in my life seems perfectly timed. Summer is over, (did it really begin?), Autumn is approaching which is the epitome of new beginnings. I feel happiest in the autumnal months, in the words of Fitzgerald: "Life starts all over when the leaves get crisp in the fall..."
I feel optimistic, if all fails I'll know that my decision felt right at the time and that it's only up from here.
Elle x
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